Sleep training and teething are a bitch.

I haven’t checked in much on here the past week. It was a rough one to say the least. A few nights were incredibly sleepless which led to me being a bitch wife, angry mom, and generally unpleasant person to be around.

Sleep training fucking sucks. Any parent out there reading this will likely agree. It’s something you have to bite the bullet on and push through to come out on top. This past week we did just that.

Also, holy shit if it isn’t true how different each child will be.

We co-slept/bed shared with my son. It was easier on us, mainly me, because of breastfeeding and the exhaustion of first time parenting. We have a California King size bed, so the added body wasn’t very noticeable. It was incredibly convenient to whip out a boob in the middle of the night, nurse, and pass back out all without leaving the comfort and warmth of my bed. Props to all the parents out there who have the energy and dedication from the start to not do this. I envy you, but my lazy ass just wasn’t going to follow suit. Fast forward to present day, my son still finds his way into our bed every night around 3am so we are paying for those choices still. My daughter on the other hand never wanted to bed share. She was miss independent from the start and wanted her own space. We did the side-car method and made it work (lots of coffee and energy drinks). It became easier once she weaned from the boob and onto the bottle. I no longer had to get up to nurse her and was able to just hand her a bottle and fall back asleep. This became the norm for the next 5 months until last week.

Another thing parents can agree that sucks dick- teething. It’s crazy how night-and-day your second kid can be from your first. Oliver and teething was mostly a breeze. We definitely had our moments, but overall we hardly knew when he was getting new teeth because it never seemed to bother him. Except the drool. He was like a St Bernard in human form with the drool. So, we were not prepared for the teething shit storm that was about to rain down on us with Reagan. Fevers, crying, runny nose, and no damn sleep. It’s hard to be angry about not getting sleep when your kid feels like utter shit. You just focus on trying to soothe them. So, while we were dealing with teething, I frequently pulled her into bed with us to try and comfort her. In the words of Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman: Big mistake. Huge. Little miss got a little too comfortable with this frequent happening and started demanding it even after she was past the pissy bottom teeth. She would wake up at her first bottle time, eat (eventually refusing that too), then stand up and scream at the top of her pterodactyl lungs until I pulled her into bed, which she was just restless in anyway. It made for shit sleep for the whole family. Cue day drinking.

She turns one in just a few weeks so we knew it was time to wean her off formula/bottles and get her into her own room. Mighty tall order and incredibly ambitious of us. Luckily my friend Deb is a pediatric sleep consultant so I called her begging and pleading for help to get this under control before I was selling her on the black market. She gave me some amazing tips and tricks that we started implementing and in 3 days we had her off bottles at night and into her own room. Can I get an Amen, Hallelujah!! But seriously, those 3 days were lived in hell. First we weaned off the bottle, then we got her sleeping through the night, and then had her sleeping in her own room. I must say, I seriously felt like Wonder Woman after accomplishing it. I think I deserve a gold medal or keto cookie. Last night was the first night I got a full-nights sleep in almost a year. It. Was. Glorious.

So, now that I feel like I have a handle on my life again, hopefully I’ll be posting entries more frequently. I have some ideas, videos, and recipes down the pipeline I need to execute. Make sure you stick around and check back in to see what hellfire I face next. I’m currently in the process of bribing my son with toys and candy to stay in his room all night, but I am not too confident about the outcome. Pray for me.

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